Friday Roundtable: NBA Owner 1-on-1 Game

BDD's Friday Roundtable is a weekly discussion among a group of our writers on a trending NBA or college basketball topic.

L-toR: NBA owner, some guy, NBA owner. (deadspin.com)

This week's question: Memphis Grizzlies' owner Robert Pera wants to play Michael Jordan in a 1-on-1 owner game for $1 million to go to charity. What 1-on-1 matchup between NBA owners do you most want to watch?

Alex:
Part of me wants to pit Justin Timberlake (Memphis Grizzlies) and Usher (Cleveland Cavaliers) against one another, but there would only be one winner when it came down to crunch time. In a face-off between New York Knicks owner James Dolan and Cavs majority owner Dan Gilbert, however, everyone is a winner (aside from, you know, whichever one loses). Both have been viewed as bumbling owners of NBA franchises, with Dolan taking flack for hiring Isiah Thomas as Knicks general manager and never anything else, while Gilbert became a famed Comic Sans calligrapher when his organization failed to put serviceable role players around LeBron James for seven seasons before seeing the homegrown talent take flight to Miami. James eventually disproved Gilbert's claim that Cleveland would win a championship before LBJ, who vanquished New York's hopes in the Eastern Conference while in the process of capturing two titles.

The only safe assumption in a Dolan-Gilbert square off is that there would be lots of awkward fumbling, probably some illegal hand-checking and a whole bunch of sweat, but Dolan gets the edge here as he would probably employ a "tickle-the-other-guy's-neck-with-your-beard" defense and either A) steal the ball for a contest-clinching basket as Gilbert pleads, "Come on, man, cut it out! That's going to irritate my skin!" or B) generally just creep out Gilbert and anyone bystanders until Dolan is left alone the court, taking several shots en route to a game-winner.

Kyle:
Maybe I'm wrong, but Michael Jordan doesn't make one of the two spots I most want to see. Yes, he's the best ever but a charity 1-on-1 game between NBA owners is for entertainment, and I want the two most entertaining owners on the court. That's why my match-up is Mark Cuban against Shaq. Remember, Shaq recently became an owner in the Sacramento Kings. Obviously, both would need to be wearing mics because the trash talk and banter would be the best part. Shaq would repeatedly back Cuban into the paint and lay a shoulder into him while going up for a dunk while Cuban screams for a foul and goes nuts like a ref just cost the Mavs a win. The thing that could make this interesting is Cuban looks like he could be sneaky athletic and I'm guessing Shaq hasn't been doing a lot of wind sprints since hanging up the jersey. The game ends with Shaq picking Cuban up so he can dunk it. Who wouldn't want to watch that?

Letter Of Advice To Dan Gilbert As Cleveland Wins NBA Draft Lottery

Dan Gilbert's Cleveland Cavaliers just won the NBA draft lottery for the second time in three years. (msn.foxsports.com)

The Cleveland Cavaliers are familiar with this situation. They were here in 2003 and again in 2011. Now the Cavaliers have won the NBA draft lottery again, giving them the No. 1 pick in June's draft. It would make them seem lucky and happy if it wasn't failure that brought them here so many times.

The history is well known. Cleveland selected hometown hero LeBron James in 2003. James did not win a title in Cleveland and in 2010 he left for the Miami Heat and Cavs owner Dan Gilbert wrote an angry letter to the fan base in comic sans. The Cavaliers struggled without James and took Kyrie Irving with the first pick in 2011. That has worked out well in that Irving has grown into an All-Star caliber talent, but still the Cavs struggle. Now Cleveland will most likely draft Nerlens Noel in June, and rumors are circling that the Cavs might look to restore peace with LeBron and bring him back to Cleveland when he enters free agency in 2014.

These are important times for the Cavaliers and Dan Gilbert with crucial decisions that will effect the immediate future of the franchise. To help, Beats Dimes and Drives has written you a letter (styled similar to Gilbert's, but sorry, no comic sans this time) with a few words of advice.

Dear Mr. Gilbert,

As you know, you again won the NBA draft lottery. You have an opportunity to drastically improve your on-court product in the upcoming season, which I'm sure this fan base is desperately looking forward to. 

Clearly the last three years have been disappointing to you all. It must have been hard to focus on basketball when there were so many LeBron jerseys to burn.

You deserve more.

The good news is the pieces are falling into place with a talented point guard and now hopefully a dominate low-post presence in Noel, if that is the direction you choose. Heck, maybe your "former hero" and "self-titled former King" LeBron will even forgive you and give you a second chance. 

Wouldn't that be something? Would you even want him back when he disproved your guarantee of winning a championship before him? You would, and should, because the path the franchise has been down isn't getting you anywhere, which is why I would like to offer some advice.

Stop worrying about LeBron. Move on. Of course you would naturally want him back, anyone would, but LeBron seems to consume you, and having him back won't necessarily make that better. Even after winning the lottery you said, "We thought originally after everything had to be reset that it would be a three-year process," and, "For everyone in Cleveland who has supported us through these three years, I think this is for them." 

It wasn't the apocalypse. Yes he is the best player in the league, but you could have put together other competent pieces. Instead you fired your coach, Mike Brown, hired another that did worse, Byron Scott, and now just brought Brown back. Not to mention paying Luke Walton more than $6 million (second most on the team) this season for 3.4 points per game.

Instead of blaming LeBron's leaving on the destruction of the franchise, make some positive free-agent moves to bring experienced and proven players to Cleveland. Because ...

I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE IF YOU KEEP WINNING THE DRAFT LOTTERY THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU ARE RUNNING A FRANCHISE CORRECTLY.

Most importantly, you have a potential great player in Irving and possibly another in Noel. They may not want to be in Cleveland for the rest of their careers, especially if the only thing they are winning is the lottery. 

If they leave, it will hurt, but learn from your LeBron mistakes. No letters. No obsurd guarantees of championships. No curses or bashing of personalities. 


Focus on how to make the team better without them. It is what should have happened in 2010 and your fans are still waiting. 

They are still waiting on that brighter day and that championship you promised them. And I promise you if you keep with these failed promises and guarantees, no one will be listening the next time you pull up a word document in comic sans on your computer.


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